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That same one 
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Love, Lust and Marriage (Part 2)
Love- When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
Lust- When all the songs on the radio determine how you do it.
Marriage- When you listen to talk radio.
Love- When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
Lust- When staying together is something you try not to think about.
Marriage- When just getting through the day is your only thought.
Love- When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
Lust- When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
Marriage- When you're only interested in your golf score.
Love- When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk.
Lust- When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex.
Marriage- When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement.
Love- You only leave the house for coffee and doughnuts.
Lust- You only leave the house for condoms and Vaseline.
Marriage- You only leave the house when you're allowed
Love- When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
Lust- When all the songs on the radio determine how you do it.
Marriage- When you listen to talk radio.
Love- When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
Lust- When staying together is something you try not to think about.
Marriage- When just getting through the day is your only thought.
Love- When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
Lust- When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
Marriage- When you're only interested in your golf score.
Love- When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk.
Lust- When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex.
Marriage- When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement.
Love- You only leave the house for coffee and doughnuts.
Lust- You only leave the house for condoms and Vaseline.
Marriage- You only leave the house when you're allowed
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
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meisje
- Foroadicto
- Mensajes: 2900
- Registrado: 20 Ene 2005 15:39
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A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question.
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes in to her breast.
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says,
"Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes in to her breast.
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says,
"Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."
1
Making Myself Beautiful
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
Última edición por lucia el 08 Dic 2005 12:57, editado 1 vez en total.
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
High Bid
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!"
"Don't worry." said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
A man is lying in bed in a Catholic hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands."
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"
Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands."
The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught so she marched over to inquire what was wrong.
"Sister," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?"
Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the pajamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing is wrong with them!!!"
At this point the man pulled off his oxygen mask and asked again,
"Are my test results back???"
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your face and hands."
He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, Are my testicles black?"
Again the nurse replies, "I can't tell. I'm only here to wash your face and hands."
The ward sister was passing and saw the man getting a little distraught so she marched over to inquire what was wrong.
"Sister," he mumbled, "Are my testicles black?"
Being a nurse of longstanding, the sister was undaunted. She whipped back the bedclothes, pulled down his pajama trousers, moved his penis out of the way, had a right good look, pulled up the pajamas, replaced the bedclothes and announced, "Nothing is wrong with them!!!"
At this point the man pulled off his oxygen mask and asked again,
"Are my test results back???"
1
A little bit far fetched, ain't it? 
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Up To The Heavens
An old, stingy lawyer was dying but was determined to prove wrong the
old saying: "You can't take it with you."
He told his wife to go down to the bank and withdraw enough money to
fill two pillowcases.
His plan: Put the bags directly over his bed and when he died grab
them on his way up to heaven.
One day the old ambulance chaser died. A few months later, his wife
was up cleaning in the attic, when she came across the forgotten
pillowcases. They were still stuffed with cash. She then said to
herself, "That old fool. I knew he should have had me put those
pillowcases in the basement!"
An old, stingy lawyer was dying but was determined to prove wrong the
old saying: "You can't take it with you."
He told his wife to go down to the bank and withdraw enough money to
fill two pillowcases.
His plan: Put the bags directly over his bed and when he died grab
them on his way up to heaven.
One day the old ambulance chaser died. A few months later, his wife
was up cleaning in the attic, when she came across the forgotten
pillowcases. They were still stuffed with cash. She then said to
herself, "That old fool. I knew he should have had me put those
pillowcases in the basement!"
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Up Yours!
This man in a Ford Granada pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls: "Hey, you got a telephone in there?"
The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do."
"I got one too... see?"
"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice." Then the man in the Granada says, "You got a fax machine?"
"Why, actually, yes, I do."
"I do too! See? It's right here!"
"Uh-huh."
The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Granada says, "So, do YOU have a double bed in back there?" And the guy in the Rolls says, "NO! Do you?"
"Yep, got my double bed right in back here ... see?!"
The light turns and the man in the Granada takes off. Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he goes immediately to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car.
About two weeks later, the job is finally done and he picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Granada. He finally finds it arked alongside the road so he pulls his Rolls up next to it. The windows in the Granada are all fogged up and he feels a little awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of he Granada.
The man in the Granada finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.
The guy in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember me?"
"Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?"
"Check this out ... I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."
And the man in the Granada says, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"
This man in a Ford Granada pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls: "Hey, you got a telephone in there?"
The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do."
"I got one too... see?"
"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice." Then the man in the Granada says, "You got a fax machine?"
"Why, actually, yes, I do."
"I do too! See? It's right here!"
"Uh-huh."
The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Granada says, "So, do YOU have a double bed in back there?" And the guy in the Rolls says, "NO! Do you?"
"Yep, got my double bed right in back here ... see?!"
The light turns and the man in the Granada takes off. Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he goes immediately to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car.
About two weeks later, the job is finally done and he picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Granada. He finally finds it arked alongside the road so he pulls his Rolls up next to it. The windows in the Granada are all fogged up and he feels a little awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of he Granada.
The man in the Granada finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.
The guy in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember me?"
"Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?"
"Check this out ... I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."
And the man in the Granada says, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
The Drunk's Throne
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom...
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my nuts."
The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom...
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my nuts."
The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
-
meisje
- Foroadicto
- Mensajes: 2900
- Registrado: 20 Ene 2005 15:39
- Ubicación: Mas vale maña que fuerza
- Contactar:
The WORLDS SHORTEST FAIRY TALE
Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?" The guy said,
"NO!" And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing,
camping, drank martinis, watched whatever she wanted to on tv, always
had a clean house, never had to cook and farted whenever she wanted.
THE END.
Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?" The guy said,
"NO!" And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing,
camping, drank martinis, watched whatever she wanted to on tv, always
had a clean house, never had to cook and farted whenever she wanted.
THE END.
1
Cutting the Line
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement in the local paper were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30am, the store's opening time...
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses.
On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again.
As he got up the second time, he said, "That's it! If they hit me one more time, I don't open the store!"
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement in the local paper were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30am, the store's opening time...
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses.
On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again.
As he got up the second time, he said, "That's it! If they hit me one more time, I don't open the store!"
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
See The Stop Sign?
A police officer pulled an 18-year-old guy over...
"Hello officer" said the smart-aleck.
"Young man did you see that stop sign?" asked the cop.
"Yup," replied the teen, "but I didn't see you!"
A police officer pulled an 18-year-old guy over...
"Hello officer" said the smart-aleck.
"Young man did you see that stop sign?" asked the cop.
"Yup," replied the teen, "but I didn't see you!"
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.