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Cutey Pie Blonde
A cute little three-year-old blonde boy put his shoes on by himself one morning...
His mother noticed the left foot was on the right foot...
She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet."
He looked up with a puzzled look and said, "Mom, stop joking. I know they're my feet!"
Humour
Moderador: Larús
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Feeling His Oats
Little Johnny arrived at school feeling quite chipper and amorous. He soon noticed Little Jenny waiting in line and moseyed on up to her side...
"Did you eat Lucky Charms this morning?" asked Johnny.
"No. Why?" replied Jenny.
"Cause you're looking magically delicious!" came the clever retort.
Old-Timers Golf
"How was your game, dear?" asked Smirv's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered.
"But you're 75 years old, Smirv!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested Smirv.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out.
The next day Smirv teed off with Scott looking on. Smirv swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Smirv.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Smirv, peering off into the distance.
"I forget," said Scott.
Clear the Fairway!
Two men playing golf were held up by two women playing in front of them.
One man said, "I'll walk up to them and tell them to hurry up."
When he returned he said, "I have a problem, one of the women is my wife and the other one is my mistress."
The second man said, "I'll walk up to them and hurry them up."
He came back and said, "We both have the same problem."
Little Johnny arrived at school feeling quite chipper and amorous. He soon noticed Little Jenny waiting in line and moseyed on up to her side...
"Did you eat Lucky Charms this morning?" asked Johnny.
"No. Why?" replied Jenny.
"Cause you're looking magically delicious!" came the clever retort.
Old-Timers Golf
"How was your game, dear?" asked Smirv's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered.
"But you're 75 years old, Smirv!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested Smirv.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out.
The next day Smirv teed off with Scott looking on. Smirv swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Smirv.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Smirv, peering off into the distance.
"I forget," said Scott.
Clear the Fairway!
Two men playing golf were held up by two women playing in front of them.
One man said, "I'll walk up to them and tell them to hurry up."
When he returned he said, "I have a problem, one of the women is my wife and the other one is my mistress."
The second man said, "I'll walk up to them and hurry them up."
He came back and said, "We both have the same problem."
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
A Saucer Full of Secrets
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a
mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he
does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old d very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The storeowner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. Already this week I've sold six cats."
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a
mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he
does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old d very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The storeowner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. Already this week I've sold six cats."
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
A lawyer says to a witness on the stand:
"Now, sir, did you, or did you not, on the date in question or at any time, say to the defendant or anyone else that the statement imputed to you and denied by the plaintiff was a matter of moment or otherwise?
Yes or no."
The witness looked at the lawyer and replied, "Yes or no, what?"
A Wise Mother
Sally and Miriam were discussing motherhood over a cup of tea at the local roadside cafe. Sally had only one child while Miriam had nine...
"Do you handle your ninth the same way you did your first?" asked Sally.
"Well," said Miriam, "I definitely handle illnesses differently now then I did when my first born was young..."
"How so?" asked Sally.
"When the first born ran a high fever, I would call the ambulance. When the ninth born recently swallowed a quarter, I told him that it was coming out of his allowance!"
"Now, sir, did you, or did you not, on the date in question or at any time, say to the defendant or anyone else that the statement imputed to you and denied by the plaintiff was a matter of moment or otherwise?
Yes or no."
The witness looked at the lawyer and replied, "Yes or no, what?"
A Wise Mother
Sally and Miriam were discussing motherhood over a cup of tea at the local roadside cafe. Sally had only one child while Miriam had nine...
"Do you handle your ninth the same way you did your first?" asked Sally.
"Well," said Miriam, "I definitely handle illnesses differently now then I did when my first born was young..."
"How so?" asked Sally.
"When the first born ran a high fever, I would call the ambulance. When the ninth born recently swallowed a quarter, I told him that it was coming out of his allowance!"
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
THE DICTIONARY OF DATING
DATING:
The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
EASY:
A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.
EYE CONTACT:
A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND:
A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE:
A woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."
IRRITATING HABIT:
What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY:
Einstein's assertion that how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
NYMPHOMANIAC:
A man's term for a woman who wants to do it more often than he does.
SOBER:
A condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
DATING:
The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
EASY:
A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.
EYE CONTACT:
A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND:
A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE:
A woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."
IRRITATING HABIT:
What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
LAW OF RELATIVITY:
Einstein's assertion that how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
NYMPHOMANIAC:
A man's term for a woman who wants to do it more often than he does.
SOBER:
A condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
The Tunnel of Love
A tourist and his trail guide were walking along a path when all of a
sudden the guide runs up the hillside to a cave, yells "Wooo wooo,"
listens for a moment, and goes charging into the cave, stripping off
his clothes on the run. He returns in about 15 minutes. The same
scenario plays out again a short while later, after which the tourist
asks about this strange behavior.
The guide explains that if one of the young ladies of his town is in
an amorous mood, she goes into a dark cave. If she hears "Wooo wooo,"
she responds "Wooo wooo" to signal that she is ready and willing. No
one knows who is who and everyone is happy.
The tourist is amazed and asks if he might partake in this local
custom at the next cave.
The guide doesn't see any problem with this.
At the next cave the tourist runs to the entrance and calls out --
"Wooo wooo." To his delight, he hears a sonorous and enticing --
"Wooo wooo" -- sung back to him from the recesses of the cave. He
takes off his clothes, rushes headlong into the cave, and gets run
over by a train.
A tourist and his trail guide were walking along a path when all of a
sudden the guide runs up the hillside to a cave, yells "Wooo wooo,"
listens for a moment, and goes charging into the cave, stripping off
his clothes on the run. He returns in about 15 minutes. The same
scenario plays out again a short while later, after which the tourist
asks about this strange behavior.
The guide explains that if one of the young ladies of his town is in
an amorous mood, she goes into a dark cave. If she hears "Wooo wooo,"
she responds "Wooo wooo" to signal that she is ready and willing. No
one knows who is who and everyone is happy.
The tourist is amazed and asks if he might partake in this local
custom at the next cave.
The guide doesn't see any problem with this.
At the next cave the tourist runs to the entrance and calls out --
"Wooo wooo." To his delight, he hears a sonorous and enticing --
"Wooo wooo" -- sung back to him from the recesses of the cave. He
takes off his clothes, rushes headlong into the cave, and gets run
over by a train.
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Some Medical Attention
Jasper saddled on up next to the lovely at Jester's Pub and soon struck up a conversation...
"Miss, do have a bandaid?" asked Jasper.
"Yes, why?" said the lovely.
"Because I scraped my knees when I fell for you!" answered Jasper.
Jasper saddled on up next to the lovely at Jester's Pub and soon struck up a conversation...
"Miss, do have a bandaid?" asked Jasper.
"Yes, why?" said the lovely.
"Because I scraped my knees when I fell for you!" answered Jasper.
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
-
meisje
- Foroadicto
- Mensajes: 2900
- Registrado: 20 Ene 2005 15:39
- Ubicación: Mas vale maña que fuerza
- Contactar:
The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration:
1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
2. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
3. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
4. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
5. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
6. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
7. This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
8. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN"
9. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
10. COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
11. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
12. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
13. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
14. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
15. User Error: Replace user.
16. Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
17. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
2. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
3. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
4. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
5. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
6. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
7. This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
8. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN"
9. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
10. COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
11. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
12. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
13. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
14. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
15. User Error: Replace user.
16. Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
17. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.
1
Good ol' Gates
Mother's Little Helper
The politician was sitting at a table at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang...
He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news.
"Ma!!!," he shouted, "the results are in. I have won the election!!!"
"Honestly?", his mother replied.
The politician's smiled faded. "Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time like this?"
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
The Top Ten Good Reasons to Date a Video Game Player
10. He's good with his hands.
9. He can keep going for hours.
8. He knows the right buttons to press.
7. He learns from mistakes.
6. He can stay focused.
5. He works well in the dark.
4. He doesn't cheat.
3. He knows all the best moves.
2. He can always score.
And the NUMBER ONE Reason to Date a Video Game Player...
1. He's got good aim with his weapon!
10. He's good with his hands.
9. He can keep going for hours.
8. He knows the right buttons to press.
7. He learns from mistakes.
6. He can stay focused.
5. He works well in the dark.
4. He doesn't cheat.
3. He knows all the best moves.
2. He can always score.
And the NUMBER ONE Reason to Date a Video Game Player...
1. He's got good aim with his weapon!
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Chaos and Control
One evening, a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were sitting around a round table and discussing which had the oldest profession...
The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam's rib. This obviously required surgery, therefore that was the oldest profession in the world.
The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession.
The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded, "Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?"
One evening, a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were sitting around a round table and discussing which had the oldest profession...
The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam's rib. This obviously required surgery, therefore that was the oldest profession in the world.
The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession.
The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded, "Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?"
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
A Mystery Adventure Game
A customer walks into a computer store and approaches a sales clerk...
"I'm looking for a mystery adventure game with lots of graphics," says the customer. "You know, something really challenging."
The clerk looks at the man and says, "Have you tried Windows XP?"
A customer walks into a computer store and approaches a sales clerk...
"I'm looking for a mystery adventure game with lots of graphics," says the customer. "You know, something really challenging."
The clerk looks at the man and says, "Have you tried Windows XP?"
Nuestra editorial: www.osapolar.es
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
Mis diseños
Si cedes una libertad por egoísmo, acabarás perdiéndolas todas.
